Newspaper Column

Character Assassination

Slander, libel, defamation, malign, malicious gossip – all with the intent to damage a person’s reputation. I have been a victim myself, but worse, I have done the same to other people. Everyone makes mistakes; I presume everyone has done something in their life that they wish they could take back, something they’re ashamed of having done. There is one school thought that says a leopard can’t change his spots, meaning he can’t change. There is also a lovely quote by none other than Marilyn Monroe, “People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” The operative words are “people change.” I’m betting most of you reading this aren’t the same person you were 20, 30 or 40 years ago. What a terrible world this would be if we all still carried the petty hurts and anger we felt in our youth. If we’re lucky we learn, we grow, we change, we become better people as we age; perhaps not all of us, but many of us.

I am guilty of “mob mentality,” following the crowd and joining in on the tearing apart of a person’s character. Sounds a bit like ancient Rome, Christians and lions. When I was a kid and going to Sunday school, there was a term used, “backbiting.” To be a backbiter was a sin. I can remember older women at church picnics looking at someone who was backbiting and showing and voicing their disapproval. Bless their hearts. They learned something it has taken me decades to understand. I have a friend who lives by the old creed, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” When I’m around her I know when I’m not being nice, I can tell by the look on her face. She is my inspiration to be a better person, my role model. I don’t expect I’ll change my opinion about certain people, but I can learn to keep it to myself.

A few days ago I was ready to retire from society, disappear, quit writing, quit the organizations I’d joined, quit being who I am, all because of some vicious words spoken about me. I was deeply hurt and angry. But then a very wise person pointed out to me all the friends I have, all the people who think I’m a good and worthy person. Why should the words of one person destroy me? Human nature I suppose. But everything happens for a reason, even this. I owe a debt of gratitude to the person who tried to destroy my reputation. It pointed out to me how nasty I can be at times, and how I need to mend my own life. It has brought me closer to being a better person.