Empathy – The Forgotten Emotion?

We are born with the capacity to feel empathy; that is, the ability to be sensitive and caring about another person’s feelings, thoughts and experiences without actually experiencing them ourselves. Babies and young children show distress when others around them are distressed. Maybe we’ve seen instances when a young child will offer, with a sad look on their faces, to wipe a tear away from someone they know. They are empathizing, understanding and feeling the sorrow of another. Somewhere along the line we seem to lose that capacity.

For example, recently there have been several crimes committed in our small towns – break-ins, fights, shootings. The perpetrators should be caught and punished; there is no question about that. But have we given any thought to the families of those perpetrators? They have committed no crime and yet we oftentimes say or do things to condemn them as well. A myriad of reasons as to why the culprit did what they did are often laid at the parents’ feet. They should stay home more, work less, pay more attention, raise their children differently, etc. etc. There is not one of us who is a perfect parent. We all make mistakes but we assuredly parent to the best of our ability in most cases.

Children do not grow up in a vacuum. They know it is wrong to steal, they know it is wrong to fight, rape, wantonly destroy property or kill. They know right from wrong, unless there is some pathological reason present. We are responsible for the decisions we make, not our parents, not our sisters or brothers, not anyone else but ourselves. So why do we condemn the family?

Put yourselves in the family’s place for a moment. Your child, your sibling, your grandchild has just been arrested. What do you feel? Anger? Fear? Shame? Sorrow? Devastation? Humiliation? Self-recrimination? And how do we, as friends, co-workers and acquaintances, react to the news? Are we supportive and understanding toward the parents or siblings of the perpetrator? Do we offer sympathy and a listening ear when needed? Or are we condemning of the entire family? The brothers and sisters of a crime suspect often experience the hardest time when a crime has been committed. They are sometimes exposed to nasty, vicious comments from their peers. It’s not their fault a law has been broken. Children can be particularly mean to each other. It’s our responsibility to encourage our children to be empathetic and sympathetic.

Stop for a moment and imagine your child or your brother or sister being arrested. Would you feel any of the emotions listed above? Do you need love and support from those around you? The world needs a little more love, and it certainly needs a lot more empathy.