Child Care 101

My daughter sent me The Nanny Diaries to read, thinking that because I had been in child care I would enjoy it. The book is about a college student in New York City who works as a nanny, caring for a four year old boy whose mother is a socialite, more concerned with her appearance than her child. The book left me unsettled and sad.

After twenty three years as a child care provider, I’ve met all kinds of parents, although thankfully none as bad as the socialite mentioned. Someday I’m gonna write a book.

The saddest case I ever cared for was a little girl I referred to as the well kept pet. She came to my day care in lovely dresses and pants outfits, which she was not to get dirty. And when she went home after a nine and a half hour day, she was delivered to grandmas or a babysitter for the evening while her parents attended meetings or social occasions. At home she was expected to keep quiet, mind immediately, and stay neat and clean. One of the first things I did for this child was buy some second hand play clothes and change her as soon as her parents left for work. This little one bonded with me early. She loved coming to my house and playing with me and the other kids. After nine months in my care, her parents pulled her out of my day care because she “was becoming too attached.” They placed her in a day care center where she wouldn’t become accustomed to just one provider. I’ve often thought about how this lonely little girl turned out 20 years later.

Then there’s the opposite extreme, where the parents were so overprotective they could hardly pull themselves away to go to their jobs. In the name of love, they hovered over their child; loathe to leave her if she so much as whimpered. In the beginning the goodbyes sometimes lasted an hour or more, making the child unsure and nervous. If mommy and daddy act apprehensive about leaving the child in the care of this stranger, it follows that the child will be nervous about being left. Children pick up on the emotional issues of the parent. Timid and unwilling to take risks, I wonder whether, upon reaching her teen-age years, she will become totally rebellious or just remain the shy wall flower she learned to become.

Then I remember with laughter the little boy who experienced no discipline at all before coming to me. He started out by climbing up on kitchen chairs well before he was a year old, rapidly progressing to teetering on the edge of the kitchen table, and then onto literally climbing my bookshelves. Determined to reach the top of the seven foot case, I caught him on the second shelf with the entire case swaying ominously. He was one of those devilish little kids who get away with things because they look at you with those twinkling little eyes as if to say, “Ain’t I cute?” His parents had the attitude of boys will be boys and weren’t fazed at all when met by their little guy with a swollen lip or gigantic bruise on his forehead. After visiting their home, I could see why they weren’t upset; he had virtually no boundaries and the word “no” never crossed their lips. A born Evel Knievel, he’s sure to be a risk taker all his life. Hope he survives.

I’ve seen a lot of parenting styles over the years, and I can pretty much tell you how these kids are going to turn out. Thankfully, however, MY children are perfect. Of course.