Tribute to the Noble Turkey

Ah, Thanksgiving, that finest of feasts celebrating the bountiful harvest and giving thanks. Turkey most often graces the tables of families across the country. The noble turkey. They courageous turkey. The respectable turkey. The what???

Benjamin Franklin once wrote to his daughter that he thought the turkey should have been made America’s national symbol. In comparison to the eagle, an animal of low moral character in his opinion, the turkey was more respectable and courageous. “(He) would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guard who should presume to invade his farm yard with a red coat on,” said Franklin. Ben admired the pugnacious turkey that defended their territory, much like Americans. Can you imagine the laughingstock we’d be today if he’d had his way?

In truth, the wild turkey runs from an intruder instead of defending their turf. It is said the Apache Indians wouldn’t eat turkey or use their feathers because they feared contracting the spirit of cowardice apparent in wild turkeys. A domestic tom turkey will charge a newcomer to his domain, but that’s because he’s too stupid to realize danger.

Most of us have heard the story of how a turkey (and I am talking about domestic turkeys raised for the table from here on out) will look up at the rain with his mouth open until he drowns. After extensive research (of three or four websites), I’ve learned this is not true. Turkeys can’t “look up” at the rain because they have eyes on the sides of their heads and would have to turn sideways to look up (and down). Therefore, the rain cannot drown them; their mouths aren’t facing upwards in that position.

Domesticated turkeys have been bred in captivity so long they lack survival skills, and intelligence. They’re weak and fat, and can’t run very fast or fly. When they’re panicked by say, a storm, they’ll run until they reached a fence or some other barrier and they’ll pile on top of each another until some poor sap on the bottom suffocates. I did read, however, that the fault lies with the farmer for not instructing his birds in the proper evacuation procedures.

Turkeys are not blessed with intelligence. In fact, they have been bred into profound stupidity. I’m told that some turkeys don’t know enough to eat and so brightly colored pellets are interspersed in their food, causing them to curiously peck and thereby eat. They retain a natural sense of curiosity and thus can, sometimes, find food, water and shelter.

Breast meat is the most often preferred portion of the Thanksgiving turkey. Hence, turkeys have been bred to produce large breasts; so much so that male turkeys can no longer fertilize eggs in a natural mating position. All turkey eggs are fertilized by artificial insemination these days. Poor Tom.

I live next door to cows and chickens and down the road from domestic turkeys. I was lamenting the fact that I could never eat any of these familiar animals. I prefer my meat to be of the unknown-origin-shipped-in-from-somewhere-else variety. However, I might make an exception for the stupid turkeys.

Wherever you are, whomever you’re with, remember to give thanks for the people who love you, for the bounty we enjoy in all aspects of our lives, and for the blessings you receive. Happy Thanksgiving everybody.