Goin’ to Canada, eh?

On a whim, my ever-lovin’ and I decided recently to go to Niagara Falls, Ontario for the night. As we were packing the night before our jaunt, I reminded hubby to not forget the passports.

I do love traveling with my husband. It’s always an adventure. With everything loaded into the trunk early the next morning, we set off in the rain for our adventure. “Did you remember the passports,” I asked Bob, halfway to Buffalo. A look of horror appeared on his face. “NO! Did you?” was his reply. Of course I did. I know Bob. He relies on me for everything.

Somewhere along the way we decided to drive to Toronto to see the zoo there. I’ve heard it’s a good one, and I love zoos; good ones that is. Looking at the maps and calculating our route, we tried to figure out how long it would take to get there from Buffalo. (We don’t believe in GPS systems. We prefer to rely on the tried and true paper map system.) “I think it’s about two hours from Buffalo,” I say. “No, I think it’s more like three or four hours,” my long distance truck driver husband says. “We aren’t going to get there until almost 4 o’clock, Robyn! Are you sure you still want to go today?” Of course I’m sure. I KNOW it isn’t three or four hours away.

Bob has had some issues getting in and out of Canada in the past. He and his first family went to Canada, long before passports were required, and had a lovely time; until they returned to the United States, whereupon he realized he still had a pocketful of Canadian money. So they crossed back into Canada to exchange the money. Each passing of the border guard required questions about where they were from, where had they gone, how long had they been there. If you’ve ever traveled to Canada you know the routine. Upon crossing back into the United States for the second time within an hour, the border guard was a bit suspicious. Where are you from, he asked. Where have you been? Didn’t you just cross into the U.S. awhile ago? Are these children yours? Do you have proof of that? About an hour later they finally let poor Bob and his children reenter the homeland. I get a charge out of that story every time I hear it.

Consequently, I drive across the borders between the two countries and instruct Bob to keep quiet and let me do the talking.

After crossing the Queenston Bridge into Canada I suggested that Bob should look at our newly purchased map of Ontario to figure out the route to Toronto. There is much rustling of paper as he tried to unfold the map in the front seat of the car. I heard muttering coming from his side of the vehicle. “Stupid maps. Why can’t they make a map that’s simple to use? Which way is north on this stupid thing?!”

“Bob,” I said, “don’t fold the map backwards like that.” (I am a map aficionado, myself.) “Road maps are like an accordion,” I tell him. “You just unfold the tri-fold first, then it’s very simple if you just unfold the pleats you need to look at.” Something similar to “smart-alec” came from the other side of the car.

After finally finding the section of Ontario he wanted, he started spurting out route names and numbers all the way to Toronto. “Just give me the first road we’re looking for,” I told him. “Okay, you want to stay on 405 until you get to ‘Q E W’, what’s that, or 406,” he said. “The QEW is the Queen Elizabeth Way,” I told him. “So which is it, the 406 or QEW?” “I don’t know, it says both here!” is the flustered reply I got. “Bob,” I sweetly said, “you were a truck driver for over 40 years! How did you ever find your way around?”

“The speed limit is 100!” he said incredulously. “That’s Canadian, 100 kilometers per hour, dear, not 100 miles per hour,” I gently reminded him. “We’re going approximately 60 mph.” “Oh yeah, that’s right, I forgot,” replied my confused husband.

The U.S. dollar isn’t what it used to be. For the first time in MY memory the Canadian dollar is worth more. After stopping for a bite to eat and getting sticker shock with the bill, first converting American into Canadian and paying $1.05 for each dollar spent, then tacking on a thirteen per cent tax, we head back out mumbling about exchanging money at the border instead of using American money.

“Okay,“ I ask, “how far is it to Toronto?” A sign appears shortly, advising us that Toronto is 120k. “That’s gonna take us two more hours to drive, at least,” my darling told me. “It’s in Canadian kilometers, hun. Seventy five miles away, Bob. We’ll be there in about an hour and fifteen.” “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

The speed limit had dropped to 55 kph when Bob asked me why we were going so slowly. I explained 55 was Canadian, that it meant approximately 35 mph for us. Converting kilometers to miles is pretty easy when you have a speedometer that has both on it. It makes me look really smart.

Eventually we come to the outskirts of Mississauga, a suburb (really?) of Toronto, population 740,000. Wow! Is that in Canadian?