Column from February 19, 2009
(with no repercussions from Meeder's I might add)

I love small towns. What you see is what you get. Walk into any restaurant and an egg salad sandwich comes two ways - on white bread or on wheat bread. Roast beef and gravy comes with mashed potatoes or fries. There are no menu items with fricassee or flambe in them. Chicken is chicken, beef is beef, pork is pork, and most generally you can identify them by sight. And coffee comes regular or decaf.

Things are more complicated in larger towns and cities where there are Olive Gardens, Perkins Restaurants, or Tim Horton's, or more exotic places like El Torito, Fuji Ya and Buca di Beppo. The choices there are overwhelming and the food sometimes unrecognizable. Don't get me wrong, I love Fuji Ya and Buca di Beppo, and I miss them, but sometimes you wonder what it is under all that sauce and noodles. Don't even get me started on Starbucks or other designer coffee places. A double grande, split shot, extra hot, dark chocolate mocha with no foam, one extra raw sugar and whipped cream is just not my thing. I like my coffee simple, hot and black.

That being said, I've discovered I'm a high maintenance kinda girl. My husband has claimed to know this for years, but I'm just now realizing it. We've had occasion to eat out several times lately and I find I'm not content to order a plain BLT (bread untoasted, crisp bacon, mayo on the side, please), or salad (no onion, sliced not chopped tomatoes, Thousand Island AND French dressing, both on the side), or burger (lettuce, tomato, no onion, what? no avocado?, okay just pickles, and ketchup). I have an annoying tendency to order things special made, not how they come out of the kitchen. I've given up asking if the "wheat" bread is really whole wheat or just white bread colored with caramel. I just smile and order wheat bread and eat whatever comes. I quite often order mayonaisse or salad dressings on the side so I can control the portion size. It rarely comes on the side regardless of how I order. I just figure if I'm paying good money for someone else to prepare my food, I ought to get what I want. It's Burger King's fault - "have it your way."

I'm sure servers find me annoying. I apologize for this. I tip well though. When my friends are in town and try to order a "mocca chocca decaf skinny with vanilla and a sleeve" I'll just smile sweetly and say, "Coffee, black please." It won't matter to me whether I get regular or decaf.

Honest.