Love is in the Air
Valentine’s Day is almost upon us and presumably Cupid is out there slinging his arrows. Love is a funny thing. It starts out so passionate and often ends up so quiet and unspoken. I once wrote a poem with this in it: “Love is a cliché; when I say I love you, I mean I want you to be close; appreciate the things you do for me; desire you as a woman for a man; trust you as my confidante; need you as my friend.” The English language has a hard time expressing love when it means so many different things.
The Greeks had four words for love: agape, eros, philia and storge and I’ll bet they were a lot more adept at expressing how they felt for one another than we are. To feel content, not to be confused with complacent, in a relationship is to feel agape. You feel content and highly regard your spouse or children. Eros is the word that speaks volumes in poetry, movies and in our hearts. Eros is passion, although it can be passion without physical intimacy. It is that longing for someone, the romantic hearts and flowers of Valentine’s Day. Eros is what makes the world go ‘round, so they say. Philia is what we feel for close friends as well as family, and with it brings loyalty and familiarity. It’s the comfortableness of a relationship. And finally there is storge, affection that comes naturally as with parent and child.
There, now that the definitions are done let me move on to the love that’s in the air… Most relationships start with eros, don’t they? We meet someone, we’re attracted, we gaze into each other’s eyes – women because we’re trying to read his mind, glean what deep thoughts and passion lie within; men because they’re fascinated with sparkly things and pattern differentiation of the iris – and we fall into eros. Eros is a dangerous thing. Eros is blind, and sometimes deaf and dumb. We don’t always listen to what the other person is saying, where we could pick up on little red flags that indicate trouble ahead. And dumb, well dumb is either speechless or stupid. Women are never speechless and men are just…men.
Based on my own marriage(s) and those of people around me, we’re lucky if we last long enough to get to agape, philia and storge. Once we’ve worked through the problems of money, children and whose job it is to take out the garbage we can move on to contentment, regard, familiarity and affection. Divorce is an epidemic these days. We don’t feel the stigma of it anymore. But look at the parents and grandparents you know. They are quietly going about the business of love. Their affection for one another may not be shouted from the rooftops anymore, and they may fight like cats and dogs, but just try to criticize one spouse and see how the other one tears into you like a pit bull on steroids! Well, maybe not that bad, but there is loyalty and friendship there that only years of familiarity can build.
All joking aside, to my own Valentine – philia eros, agape, and storge to you my love. Or in its acronym form, P E A S.
P E A S on earth takes on a whole new meaning now, doesn’t it?
Valentine’s Day is almost upon us and presumably Cupid is out there slinging his arrows. Love is a funny thing. It starts out so passionate and often ends up so quiet and unspoken. I once wrote a poem with this in it: “Love is a cliché; when I say I love you, I mean I want you to be close; appreciate the things you do for me; desire you as a woman for a man; trust you as my confidante; need you as my friend.” The English language has a hard time expressing love when it means so many different things.
The Greeks had four words for love: agape, eros, philia and storge and I’ll bet they were a lot more adept at expressing how they felt for one another than we are. To feel content, not to be confused with complacent, in a relationship is to feel agape. You feel content and highly regard your spouse or children. Eros is the word that speaks volumes in poetry, movies and in our hearts. Eros is passion, although it can be passion without physical intimacy. It is that longing for someone, the romantic hearts and flowers of Valentine’s Day. Eros is what makes the world go ‘round, so they say. Philia is what we feel for close friends as well as family, and with it brings loyalty and familiarity. It’s the comfortableness of a relationship. And finally there is storge, affection that comes naturally as with parent and child.
There, now that the definitions are done let me move on to the love that’s in the air… Most relationships start with eros, don’t they? We meet someone, we’re attracted, we gaze into each other’s eyes – women because we’re trying to read his mind, glean what deep thoughts and passion lie within; men because they’re fascinated with sparkly things and pattern differentiation of the iris – and we fall into eros. Eros is a dangerous thing. Eros is blind, and sometimes deaf and dumb. We don’t always listen to what the other person is saying, where we could pick up on little red flags that indicate trouble ahead. And dumb, well dumb is either speechless or stupid. Women are never speechless and men are just…men.
Based on my own marriage(s) and those of people around me, we’re lucky if we last long enough to get to agape, philia and storge. Once we’ve worked through the problems of money, children and whose job it is to take out the garbage we can move on to contentment, regard, familiarity and affection. Divorce is an epidemic these days. We don’t feel the stigma of it anymore. But look at the parents and grandparents you know. They are quietly going about the business of love. Their affection for one another may not be shouted from the rooftops anymore, and they may fight like cats and dogs, but just try to criticize one spouse and see how the other one tears into you like a pit bull on steroids! Well, maybe not that bad, but there is loyalty and friendship there that only years of familiarity can build.
All joking aside, to my own Valentine – philia eros, agape, and storge to you my love. Or in its acronym form, P E A S.
P E A S on earth takes on a whole new meaning now, doesn’t it?
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